Tuesday, March 31, 2009

texting is fun

blahblahblah talking about a steakhouse and the meat they serve (mmm... venison):

other person (op): that's funny, i just realized that i had pinned you for a vegetarian

me: really?? i like meat far too much to be vegetarian. it's the same reason i couldn't be lesbian.

op: i think i'm falling in love with you. or that's what my dick keeps telling me...

me: your dick doesn't even know me yet.

i love boys.


it's pretty disgusting that i can hear a song on the radio that i've only heard live one time by a band i don't know (the first time i saw or heard of them was the time i heard this song) and say "hay! that's airborne toxic event!" and be correct.

what's even worse: i can name a majority of the songs i hear in my car within the first 3 seconds of that song - even if those 3 seconds are a drummer count off or a single note or a random sound.

why can't my powers be used for something useful?


i think i may just go visit butterflies this weekend.


was weirdly hard this morning. i'm still not awake either. i'm sure that had something to do with it.

Monday, March 30, 2009


peanut butter m&ms might be the greatest invention ever. less unwrapping than a peanut butter cup. compact.



why does my town make me choose between clem snide and robyn hitchcock?!? i need to be the entertainment planning commissioner for austin music so that we never have to make our citizens make these hard decisions!

Saturday, March 28, 2009


burt lancaster is a handsome and hairy man, but he's no pirate. not like errol flynn or tyrone power.

the marketers have found my weakness

we all know how marketing people are paid to figure out what words trigger the buying impulse in mass consumers and then stick those words in bright, large print on the front of their product, right?
you know - most of the time they're as simple as: "new!" or "your child won't choke on this!" or "anti-bacterial!" or "chocolate!"

i've never though of myself as one of those people who buys into that stuff. i really think it because i'm just not a shopper at heart.
but this afternoon when i went to target in search of plant food (i really want my bush to flower - ha!), the marketers got me. BIG TIME.

that's right. this plant food is made with liquefied worm POOP. i had to buy it. i give major kudos to anyone who is ballsy enough to put "poop" on the front of their packaging. anyone who is ballsy enough to make it their major selling point.
initially i thought, "it says 'liquefied worm poop', i have to get this!" but on the way home i asked myself, did i really need the "liquefied" or "worm" part? nope.

it was the "poop" that sold me. i'm now on the look-out for anything that uses "poop" on it's actual product to sell it. not "excrement" not "waste" not "droppings" but "POOP". say it loud and say it proud.

it'll sell me even more if it works and my bush of black-eyed susans actually blooms.


i think i'm finding my swimming stride after only 6 months. :) i also think that we're on the cusp of moving up to 45 minutes (april 1 - no joke).

and i found i've taken to calling myself "mamma" when i have to remember something. "flip-turn mamma" "left-side mamma" where the hell did that come from?

Friday, March 27, 2009


i've now heard half of the new m. ward album thanks to kexp. maybe i should buy it. i really like what i've heard so far.
i like the tempo of his words on this one. slightly upbeat sunday morning music is my assessment without even hearing the album.


i just came to the realization that i watched the first movie i've ever seen that had absolutely NO women in it last night.

sahara! - a bogie movie without a dame?! there wasn't even an extra that was a chick. it worked.


i kicked muthafuckin' ASS at swimming this morning. its pretty disgusting. i'm learning that my body is a lot more durable and "bounce-backy" than i thought.

i also learned that it's kind of dangerous to let my mind wander to ally doing her errol flynn impression while swimming. laughing while your head is in the water isn't too smart.

Thursday, March 26, 2009


sometimes i wish i could be as blissfully ignorant or unaware as someone who mails their actual photo ID in the mail.
how relaxing it must be to live in that brain.


that people would understand that being dramatic will get them nowhere with me. as a matter of fact, i'm less likely to help you if you bring the drama.


i love that i live in a place where my choices for shows on my birthday are colin gilmore or matt the electrician and southpaw jones or two-stepping to Jesse Dayton or LEONARD MUTHAFUCKIN' COHEN (if someone wants to buy me a hella expensive ticket).

i'm sure there are more, but those are pretty nifty choices.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009


errol flynn is such an elegant and handsome man. they don't make them like him anymore.

i love it...

when boys don't listen to me and think i'm a "challenge". it's so cute and makes me laugh.

but i'll never let them say i didn't warn them at the beginning.


!!! was swimming!! as in i did it for the first time in 2 weeks for real. i feel stupidly great physically. i just wish my brain would wake up. let's just let go of the daydreams, ok?

Tuesday, March 24, 2009


does it make me a slut if i text a guy to meet me at the broken spoke to "just two-step and fuck"?

does it make me more of one if he already told me he's a romantic and i just don't care?

i really do need an answer to that first question.


i'm not ready for real life to start again. can't i just be a hostess for rad people for the rest of my life?

let's make it happen.

Monday, March 23, 2009

i love you man

i just saw "i love you man" and it was hilarious. exactly what i needed this evening. i haven't laughed at anything that hard in a long time.

i love you broseph groibels.


i lost my sheets. then i looked in the dryer in the communal laundry room. they were in there. FOR A WEEK.

i'm such a dick. :D


a lot happened this week. a lot of good things. extremely few bad things. i will recap later. i'm horribly remiss. i need to recap tori and ryan too.

i'm sleeping with my nose plastered to a pillow for the next week to remember.

Saturday, March 21, 2009


i'm slowly but surely approaching the LEAVE. ME. ALONE. stage. my toes already want to be left alone.


i like taking care of people. maybe, someday, i'll be taken care of in return. :)

Friday, March 20, 2009


several things:

- i'm the perfect amount of exhausted for the friday of sxsw. its middle tired. i could use a cold hot-tub (something lukewarm with bubbles because it's pretty warm here), something terribly horrible for me to eat (strawberry-therapy) and a 2 hour nap. but i'm not at the LEAVE. ME. ALONE. stage yet. that's for sunday.
- i wish i weren't bloating so that my uber-cute dress that i love didn't pull. it's not pulling THAT much, but it's still pulling and i'm into details.
- i am learning to play the game.
- i have no patience for the game.
- i want to make out with that fella again. he pulled my hair just right.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

it's 8:30am...

and already i've been asked the stupidest question ever: are you busy?

no, i just came in to work for 4 hours today to make an appearance and sit on my thumb and spin.


Monday, March 16, 2009


i like walking naked around my place a LOT. i didn't realize how much i missed it until now.


i would like to be proven wrong sometime this week.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Friday, March 13, 2009

what's the big deal about nucci? tips at the end for dudes

i'm wandering through my sxsw list last night and i come across this band that i know but i can't remember where from. i look them up. i see the names of the band members. i see the name brian cantrell and i instantly wet myself. it's nucci! nucci is coming to MY town! i hopped around my apartment for 30 minutes. i couldn't grind the silly grin off my face with a diamond-grade sander if i wanted to. i still can't.
being the cerebral-centric person that i am, i took to wondering why i am so giddy about nucci coming to town. this is a man that i have had several encounters with but, to put it bluntly, we've spoken maybe 50 words to each other in the entire time i've known him - and that's not an exaggeration. our "connection" (if you can call it that) is purely physical and instinctual. as i thought, i realized that it really goes back to our very first meeting. let me set the stage for you:

san diego music awards at humphrey's by the bay, some random year - i can't remember. i'm up in a suite with troy and flan and flan's wife and a whole mess of other people. i'm pretty sure java joe is there too. i have 3 swigs (2 swigs too many) of flan's moonshine out of a mason jar and i'm feelin' GOOD. in comes this guy, maybe as tall as i am, with this too-straight, too-long-for-his-face hair, a teeny bit of facial hair and shoulders like a linebacker. he says hi to people as he's coming in the door and he's talking to someone when he sees me across the room. his eyes catch mine and instantly we both perk up. he finishes talking to these people and looks at me and starts doing this weird thing with his hands by his face (i later find out it's his "praying mantis") and i'm DYING with giggles. he then bolts across the room, throws me on the bed and buries his face in my neck and gives it a little nip. then he gets up and goes about his business with everyone else, keeping his eye on me the whole rest of the time. i ask troy what the hell just happened and he said "oh, that's nucci". this man's teeth knew the softness of my neck flesh before his ears knew the sound of my voice. i couldn't think of anything more fun at the time. i still can't.
after that, i'd see him at random other places and the praying mantis and the giggles would ensue. we ended up making out at the new old java joe's at some point as well but that was about it.

in that first meeting, without saying a word, he gave me something that i hadn't felt before and haven't felt since: he made me feel like that beautiful girl in the room that you can't take your eyes off of. that was a really foreign feeling to me and it still is.
he makes me feel girly and pretty and feminine in an animalistic way. in a simple way. i'm not saying i've not felt girly and pretty and feminine since then, but i certainly haven't felt like the person in the room that someone can't take their eyes off of since then.
dudes out there, girls are easy really. if you want the key to the heart/cunt of 99.99999% of women out there this is what you do: pay attention to them, make them feel wanted and pretty and girly when you're in clothes and in public. if you can do that, you'll have a piece of their heart forever. if you can do that along with making them feel like a whore in bed (in the good way) you'll have even more of their heart for your bidding. i leave that 0.00001% out for the stoic and asexual women out there. *grin*

i'm not expecting a first meeting feeling from nucci again, but it'll be really nice to feel those linebacker shoulders giving me a bear hug for the first time in about 4 years.

Thursday, March 12, 2009


i dig flirty, polio-stricken married dudes.

i don't understand...

when it's your JOB to help people and to get their stuff done for them, but these people don't tell you what the hell is going on.
so when said people are on vacation and you try to take care of things on your own and you find out that they've done something IDIOTIC AND they didn't tell you about it or why they were doing it, you sound like even MORE of an idiot to the people who are telling you what said people did.

you pay me to help you. TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE DOING. maybe i can help you do it better.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009


i forgot how awesome a buddy flick "el dorado" was. awww... the duke and daddy. oh daddy!


i'm very excited to get to snuggle in my downy cave tonight for the 1st time in awhile thanks to what i fear to be the last cold snap before tejas weather sets in.

and that the person who lived here before me must have been on every catalog mailing list ever. EVERY. CATALOG. EVER.

more excitement!

while sussing out the sxsw schedule, i'm finding that my birthday week's going to be a super rad music week! how awesome is that?
already i have Colin, Todd and Clem Snide!
and i hear tell that beth's arranged herself a birthday show with beaver and scrappy and troy and since she's on the 5th, that means i get to count it in my birthday week festivities! and i'm only half way through!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009


i'm trying SO HARD to do the swimming. my body wants to zoom along in the water REAL BAD, but the tattoo... argh! the tattoo. it's such a baby. can't be submerged in the water. the press and seal saran wrap doesn't work. i get in the pool, do my warm-up and 2 laps in its coming off. 10 minutes in. the stupid poopyhead tattoo can't be in the water without air for another 35 minutes. i'm going to just try slathering on a whole baby's butt full of vaseline on it tomorrow and see what happens. at least i'm getting up and going to try and do it instead of giving up and just staying in bed. that's a step in the right direction. :)

i'm really not motivated to be at work today. i'd like to go and complete my schedule. NOW.

Monday, March 9, 2009

geeking out

about paper. really. there are about 100 pages of potential incredible times sitting on my coffee table that i will be sifting through this week to whittle it down to a 4 page excel spreadsheet of orgasm-inducing bliss. i don't know why i'm so excited about making the schedule this year.
the streaks of pink, yellow and green highlighter... the rankings per day and hour from 12 noon to 3am... my big map of 6th street and south austin spread out on the floor around me... let the anal-retentiveness begin.

i know this sounds right-brained crazy, but it's for a purpose. i'm anal about it now so the ONLY 2 things my brain has to register during 4-5 days of zombie-like awe and blissed-out exhaustion will be 1. who, of these 3 bands for this hour, am i going to see next, and 2. where's my next hot dog coming from?


so, i got a new tattoo this weekend. around the ankle. rule #1 of new tattoos is "don't submerge in water for 2 weeks". this, in theory, means no swimming for 2 weeks. i can't not swim for 2 weeks - i'll be a miserable slob.

any suggestions for keeping the ankle water-tight?

saran wrap and duct tape doesn't work. :(

Sunday, March 8, 2009

i really do live in the "south"

i still have to say it in quotes, but today, when i was at the grocery store, it really hit me that i still live in the "south".
exhibit a:

i don't think these live north of the mason-dixon or west of the rio grande. the rio grande may even be pushing it. boiled peanuts may even be specific to alabama since i really haven't seen them elsewhere. now, understand that these aren't "real" boiled peanuts for the following reasons:
1. they are shelled
2. they are in a can
3. they were not purchased at one of several lean-tos that line the rural roads in alabama from huge iron boiling vats of brine on the way to the airport in dothan or on the way back from panama city beach
4. they are not spelled "bol'd p'nuts"

i just needed to share because this made me smile today.

Saturday, March 7, 2009


i need to flog myself senseless. 2 robert mimtchum movies in a row, one of which he gets as naked as they would get, is too much porn for my poor, deprived cooter to bear.

i want to eat him.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

i effin' love kexp

seriously. when the time is right (i'm waiting for those sasquatch tickets to be a gift) i'm giving them a lot of money. point me to the radio station that goes from playing the pixies to they might be giants to flight of the concords to king missile. detachable penis.

i know it's a pain in the ass sometimes, but i like having a detachable penis.

PS - look who's got great timing! here are the tickets!


is getting better, little by little. i'm at about 80% now which is good good. i'm tyty though because it was a weird night last night.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009


i hate watching old people be and/or get old. it makes my heart hurt in the weirdest way.

i'm glad i'm going to die when i'm 48.


tori's gonna be here in mere hours! and that means that we're only a few more hours away from ryan!

energy's coming together today. the radio station i listen to in seattle just read my mind, which is a feat for them. i thought to myself, "gee, they're crazy this morning, they ought to play the "taco roll-up" song!" and what's the next song? the taco roll-up song. thank you kings of leon.

sometimes psychosis is weird.

Monday, March 2, 2009


to small sins. christ. these guys are awesome. i wish they'd put out more stuff. it's one of those albums (well, they're both one of those albums) where you can listen to it over and over and you think you should be getting bored with them or "over" them by now, but ITS STILL GREAT. they're perfect for meandering in a city. they're perfect for driving around. they're perfect right now.

and they're pretty effin' rad live. they have a designated clapper. and he REALLY likes his job. these guys will go down in my history as the 1st and still greatest sxsw accidental find ever.

did i mention they're canadian? i don't NEED to - it's just something else that makes them rad.

i'm really over this listlessness

seriously. for the past 2 weeks, if not longer, i've been at about 60% in everyway and i'm tired of it. i don't know what to do with myself. i don't know what not to do with myself. it's like pulling teeth to keep even the littlest things in my routine. things that i love to do and that make me feel great after doing them. i've never been this way for this long (except when i went on that medication, but there were other factors involved). i just want to stay in bed all day and drink lattes and eat sandwiches that someone else makes me and cookies and crackers. my ears don't want to listen to anyone but josh ritter. now, josh ritter's not so bad, and i don't even get tired of him after the constant barrage i assault my ears with, but ITS TOO MUCH with his chipmunk face and slightly nasal-y vocals and rad lyrics. and it's my physical being that wants this, not my emotional. my brain is sitting here looking at me saying, "you're depressed", but i'm not! i could effectively argue that my body is depressed, but my mind and that tiny black thing others like to call a heart are peachy keen. i've got a lot of excitement coming up on my ass! starting tomorrow even!

i don't know what kind of a kick in the butt i need, but i need it soon. i refuse to be like this over sxsw - if i am, i'm guaranteed to get big sick which is never a good thing. and i want to be 100%, maybe even 110%, when i see all my folks, you know? it takes a lot of energy to be that excited and happy and i know i have the capacity, but i can't muster the wherewithal right now and that is NOT a good thing.

suggestions? a lady at work is convinced that my immune system is depressed due to cedar fever and that i need to strengthen my immune system. how do i do that, yo?


is canada still cold at the end of march? i'm feeling a pull to where they make dry ginger ale and syrup and say "eh" at the end of everything.


to wirepony. ah, patrick dennis. you do take yourself very seriously, don't you? it's good, but hints at a lot of self-importance.

i do love that it's REALLY obvious that christopher hoffee is playing all over this.

i love these boys too much. it's disgusting.


was crawly today. there was this guy in the lane next to me that was totally throwing me off. my body is tyty and all i want is something warm, cuddly and chai-y.


i have a growth on my face that hurts like a bitch. i want to touch it and pop it and make it ooze but that will just make it worse.


ps - i still want to be in bed


it's march already. what the hell?

i'm so turning into one of "those" people.

look who's going to be entering their 30th year in exactly 31 days! WOO!

Sunday, March 1, 2009


thank you myspace for being a place that friends of mine who never write still go to write. unbeknownst to you, you saved me a little button-pushing anxiety tonight.

secondly: dear time, please let this week go by fast. i know you have the fixin's in you to go slow, but you don't need to use them. as a matter of fact, please let this month go by fast. i'm ready to start my 30th year. kisses! pixy


lauren bacall is effin' hot! i should see more movies of hers.