where you at? its 2am on an early Monday morning where I have to be up at 5:45am to get to work and my eyes, my body nor mind are the least bit tired. if my foot weren't fucked I'd run a couple of miles right now or at least meander outside with all the drunks, hobos and insomniacs. instead I'm playing around in my head with a house I haven't met yet and projects that only live in my head that I can't wait to touch with my hands.
dirt sifting though my fingers
the smell of hot, freshly cut wood
drills
paint
people
chairs
music
sunshine
hammocks
temperate nights
fort beds in the attic
gundhis
BBQ
rocking chairs
porches
grass
the scents of the day
visitors
the scents of the night
aaa baseball
pirate bars
featherbeds
finding art
pianos
monkey bread
swimming holes
forests
iron beds
homemadey stuff
I'd like to sleep now so I can not bite heads off later on today. his will all be here for me when I'm supposed to have it.
Monday, August 20, 2012
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
vision
i had this flash today. a flash that started as me sitting cross-legged in pajamas on the worn wood floors of a home office with printed spreadsheets strewn about me as i was deciding how they needed to connect. there was sunlight coming through the windows and i could smell the grass and trees outside.
so analog.
this flash then grew into a daydream that didn't, for the first time, scare the bejeezus out of me. it encompassed me in a house that i own, someone sharing that house with me, me settled into a sort of work/life balance routine that doesn't look anything like i have now. it was a 20 minutes daydream of living an awesome life. and it didn't feel wrong or undeserved for the first time.
i'm so used to being mobile and enjoying that mobility and all of the freedom that comes with it. i've gladly traded the downsides, most notably loneliness, for the many perceived upsides of FREEDOM.
it's kind of weird. and it makes me feel more grown up than old. i'm not sure what to do with this.
so analog.
this flash then grew into a daydream that didn't, for the first time, scare the bejeezus out of me. it encompassed me in a house that i own, someone sharing that house with me, me settled into a sort of work/life balance routine that doesn't look anything like i have now. it was a 20 minutes daydream of living an awesome life. and it didn't feel wrong or undeserved for the first time.
i'm so used to being mobile and enjoying that mobility and all of the freedom that comes with it. i've gladly traded the downsides, most notably loneliness, for the many perceived upsides of FREEDOM.
it's kind of weird. and it makes me feel more grown up than old. i'm not sure what to do with this.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
talkin' it out vlog - le deux
here's #2 for you where i talk about my way bigger than expected number of views, plans for the future and respond to last week's many letters from bob lefsetz's newsletter (and also give you a rad little geology fact).
i also want to address artists that don't take advantage of that which is at their fingertips - their fans. instead of signing to a label so they can take care of administrative tasks for you, why not look to your fans to help you out with those tasks? i bet you'd be surprised at the vast amount of talent and ability that lives in your fanbase. and, while they may not help out for free (but they might) i bet they help out at a deeply discounted rate, with a far more authentic touch and be WAY more excited about doing so. in their mind, it's creating a deeper or different kind of connection with you. take advantage of that and open yourself up to allowing that connection, it'll only make things better.
finally, i want to address the percentages i talk about in the video - they're not numbers that i pulled out of my ass, but they're not steadfast either. in the research i've done thus far, it's a pretty usual set of numbers. most of it comes from here because it's a simple and easy to understand breakdown that is easy to point others to. i use the iTunes example because it's the most ubiquitous and one of the easier to break down. essentially, apple will always take 30%, no matter what. the remaining 70% is up to you.
Let's do some math to put this into perspective using an oversimplified example: assume the artist's goal is to net $10,000 for themselves on an album they are selling for five dollars on iTunes. Assume, in both scenarios, the artists is a solo singer-songwriter with their own publishing company to further simplify the calculations. The independent artist spends $5,000 to write, produce, record and distribute their album. To net $10,000, the artist needs to make $15,000 in sales. 70% of five dollars is $3.50. $15,000 divided by $3.50 is 4,236 five dollar albums that the artist needs to sell to net $10,000.
Alternatively, a label artist spends $20,000 to write, produce, record and distribute their album (that's pretty thrifty), but it's not as simple as grossing $30,000 in sales for the artist to make their $10,000. This requires some higher math: at the outset, the label is taking 15% of the sales price ($0.75) until costs are recouped. So, $20,000 (the cost to make the record) divided by $0.75 is 26,667 albums that need to be sold to recoup costs. The artist has only netted 7% ($0.35) per album sold thus far, making their income $9333.45 on 26,667 albums, $666.55 short of the $10,000 goal. Since the costs of the album have been recouped, the artist now is making their full 22% ($1.10) per album sold , so they need to sell another 606 albums to make their full $10,000 bringing the total number of albums sold to 27,273. That's more than an 636% increase in sales to net the same amount. The label has made $68,121.90 in pure profit at this point.
these numbers don't represent any certain situation except the one listed above that i pulled out of my ass, but it gives you an idea of what goes on. every deal is different.
if you even get paid.
WOULDN'T IT BE EASIER TO SELL 4300 ALBUMS THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER TO ANYONE TO REGARDING ANY PART OF THE PROCESS THAN TO SELL 27000 ALBUMS OF SOMETHING THAT MAY JUST NOT BE "YOU" BUT THE LABEL'S IDEA OF WHAT THE AUDIENCE WANTS YOU TO BE?
to put it further into perspective, jeff bridges, who went on a full media junket for his pet album, took 4 weeks with the "POWER" of tv, print and radio behind him to sell 27000 albums. to a nation of 250 million people. if even one percent of them saw "the big lebowski" or "crazy heart" and loved either one, that should give him at least 2.5 million people who would potentially buy that album, right? he just barely topped out at 1% of that 1%. funny, but i can't seem to find the year to date cumulative numbers on that album. hm.
let me step off my soapbox now.
i also want to address artists that don't take advantage of that which is at their fingertips - their fans. instead of signing to a label so they can take care of administrative tasks for you, why not look to your fans to help you out with those tasks? i bet you'd be surprised at the vast amount of talent and ability that lives in your fanbase. and, while they may not help out for free (but they might) i bet they help out at a deeply discounted rate, with a far more authentic touch and be WAY more excited about doing so. in their mind, it's creating a deeper or different kind of connection with you. take advantage of that and open yourself up to allowing that connection, it'll only make things better.
finally, i want to address the percentages i talk about in the video - they're not numbers that i pulled out of my ass, but they're not steadfast either. in the research i've done thus far, it's a pretty usual set of numbers. most of it comes from here because it's a simple and easy to understand breakdown that is easy to point others to. i use the iTunes example because it's the most ubiquitous and one of the easier to break down. essentially, apple will always take 30%, no matter what. the remaining 70% is up to you.
Let's do some math to put this into perspective using an oversimplified example: assume the artist's goal is to net $10,000 for themselves on an album they are selling for five dollars on iTunes. Assume, in both scenarios, the artists is a solo singer-songwriter with their own publishing company to further simplify the calculations. The independent artist spends $5,000 to write, produce, record and distribute their album. To net $10,000, the artist needs to make $15,000 in sales. 70% of five dollars is $3.50. $15,000 divided by $3.50 is 4,236 five dollar albums that the artist needs to sell to net $10,000.
Alternatively, a label artist spends $20,000 to write, produce, record and distribute their album (that's pretty thrifty), but it's not as simple as grossing $30,000 in sales for the artist to make their $10,000. This requires some higher math: at the outset, the label is taking 15% of the sales price ($0.75) until costs are recouped. So, $20,000 (the cost to make the record) divided by $0.75 is 26,667 albums that need to be sold to recoup costs. The artist has only netted 7% ($0.35) per album sold thus far, making their income $9333.45 on 26,667 albums, $666.55 short of the $10,000 goal. Since the costs of the album have been recouped, the artist now is making their full 22% ($1.10) per album sold , so they need to sell another 606 albums to make their full $10,000 bringing the total number of albums sold to 27,273. That's more than an 636% increase in sales to net the same amount. The label has made $68,121.90 in pure profit at this point.
these numbers don't represent any certain situation except the one listed above that i pulled out of my ass, but it gives you an idea of what goes on. every deal is different.
if you even get paid.
WOULDN'T IT BE EASIER TO SELL 4300 ALBUMS THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER TO ANYONE TO REGARDING ANY PART OF THE PROCESS THAN TO SELL 27000 ALBUMS OF SOMETHING THAT MAY JUST NOT BE "YOU" BUT THE LABEL'S IDEA OF WHAT THE AUDIENCE WANTS YOU TO BE?
to put it further into perspective, jeff bridges, who went on a full media junket for his pet album, took 4 weeks with the "POWER" of tv, print and radio behind him to sell 27000 albums. to a nation of 250 million people. if even one percent of them saw "the big lebowski" or "crazy heart" and loved either one, that should give him at least 2.5 million people who would potentially buy that album, right? he just barely topped out at 1% of that 1%. funny, but i can't seem to find the year to date cumulative numbers on that album. hm.
let me step off my soapbox now.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
this is my zappos blog
on friday morning i was walking to the train and found a good sized purple plastic egg in a bush on the corner of 20th and burnside. i looked at it, scooped it up in the crook of my arm and kept walking to the train. a young man and his dog ran across the street and accosted me when he saw that i had an egg and interrogated me about it and then acted like i should give him HIS egg. i didn't.
i got to the train and had 10 minutes before the next one was coming, so i dug in.
inside the egg was a big, green, boys marmot hoodie. i read the card and thought to myself, "this is a fancy and fun way to (presumably) get rid of their promo items that they get from their suppliers!" turns out that hoodie wasn't a promo item, but an actual product valued at $55. the card in the egg said that if i didn't like what i got in the egg, i could return it for free and get a site credit/exchange for a different item. i bundled the egg back together and into my bag and continued on to work.
here's where the brilliance (on zappos' part) happens: when i got to work, i told at least 7 people throughout the day that i found this egg and what the deal was with it. because, how often do you find an egg with free shite in it? i know of at least 2 of those 7 went onto zappos that day to look into the whole thing. i still didn't even know what was really going on with anything, what the deal with this whole promotion was, only that it was REALLY doing its job.
around lunch time, i called the number on the card to see how the returning and exchanging worked. a nice young man named michael from the zappos couture department (that shocked me too) answered and we learned together about what was going on as he hadn't fielded a call about this yet. he signed me up for zappos' vip service which allows them access to track more closely what i look at, favorite and buy in exchange for free next business day shipping, exclusive features, at least 24 hour notice of new releases on their site and expedited returns. seems fair to me. and then michael emailed me a label for UPS or USPS (my choice) so i could send the hoodie back and made a note on my account that i have a $55 credit. it was all very friendly and awesome.
this is also pretty brilliant because it allows people who may not have used zappos before to experience their customer service (their top selling point to anyone and everyone) without having to buy anything first. how many times have you just kept or threw away something because you knew it would be way too much of a pain in the ass to send it back? zappos nips that in the bud for you with this experience.
if you look at the 1st picture, you'll see there's a little green sticker on it that says 51 implying that it's egg #51. further implying that there were at least 50 other eggs around. friday evening, when i got home and before i disco-napped, i researched a bit and found out that there are 100 eggs total playing in this game and that zappos was tweeting clues of the eggs whereabouts through saturday evening. on saturday, the office wife and i looked for a few of the other ones, but gave up tout suite as many seemed to be on the hunt and we wanted to enjoy the day.
to wrap this up: zappos is evil marketing genius. the hardest part about the whole thing so far is figuring out what i want from their site with my $55 credit.
smarty pantses.
i got to the train and had 10 minutes before the next one was coming, so i dug in.
inside the egg was a big, green, boys marmot hoodie. i read the card and thought to myself, "this is a fancy and fun way to (presumably) get rid of their promo items that they get from their suppliers!" turns out that hoodie wasn't a promo item, but an actual product valued at $55. the card in the egg said that if i didn't like what i got in the egg, i could return it for free and get a site credit/exchange for a different item. i bundled the egg back together and into my bag and continued on to work.
here's where the brilliance (on zappos' part) happens: when i got to work, i told at least 7 people throughout the day that i found this egg and what the deal was with it. because, how often do you find an egg with free shite in it? i know of at least 2 of those 7 went onto zappos that day to look into the whole thing. i still didn't even know what was really going on with anything, what the deal with this whole promotion was, only that it was REALLY doing its job.
around lunch time, i called the number on the card to see how the returning and exchanging worked. a nice young man named michael from the zappos couture department (that shocked me too) answered and we learned together about what was going on as he hadn't fielded a call about this yet. he signed me up for zappos' vip service which allows them access to track more closely what i look at, favorite and buy in exchange for free next business day shipping, exclusive features, at least 24 hour notice of new releases on their site and expedited returns. seems fair to me. and then michael emailed me a label for UPS or USPS (my choice) so i could send the hoodie back and made a note on my account that i have a $55 credit. it was all very friendly and awesome.
this is also pretty brilliant because it allows people who may not have used zappos before to experience their customer service (their top selling point to anyone and everyone) without having to buy anything first. how many times have you just kept or threw away something because you knew it would be way too much of a pain in the ass to send it back? zappos nips that in the bud for you with this experience.
if you look at the 1st picture, you'll see there's a little green sticker on it that says 51 implying that it's egg #51. further implying that there were at least 50 other eggs around. friday evening, when i got home and before i disco-napped, i researched a bit and found out that there are 100 eggs total playing in this game and that zappos was tweeting clues of the eggs whereabouts through saturday evening. on saturday, the office wife and i looked for a few of the other ones, but gave up tout suite as many seemed to be on the hunt and we wanted to enjoy the day.
to wrap this up: zappos is evil marketing genius. the hardest part about the whole thing so far is figuring out what i want from their site with my $55 credit.
smarty pantses.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
look who started VLOGGING!
vlog. vlogging. gosh, both of those sound so drrty.
but i've started doing it. and everyone thinks i'm cute. i've never thought of myself as cute. i've never really thought of myself to be honest. so... here it is. i talk about kim chee, volcanoes destroying portland and give a brief overview of what this is all about. in my thinking.
but i've started doing it. and everyone thinks i'm cute. i've never thought of myself as cute. i've never really thought of myself to be honest. so... here it is. i talk about kim chee, volcanoes destroying portland and give a brief overview of what this is all about. in my thinking.
Friday, March 16, 2012
all i (don't) know
i just finished watching my first kickstarter campaign gift, "all i know", and i was absolutely blown away (again) at how much trust and courage it requires to be a musician and to work with other artists. every one of the 12 musicians in this documentary showed assertiveness, gumption and verve at some point. they all were so open to the new (to some of them) experience of co-writing songs. with people they've never met. who have a different native language than each other. and then performing the songs live after only 12 days or so.
i know some of the people in the film and i know that they don't have an intentionally cruel bones in their body, but my heart was still scared for all of the musicians at the prospect of these ideas or melodies - their contributions - wouldn't be heard or welcomed by the partner. of course there were a few bumps along the way. of course it all turns out well in the end. but i can't even fathom baring yourself like that in front of other people to be potentially judged harshly.
then, about 20 minutes into it, i realized that these people do that everyday: make themselves, via their art, available for judgment. it's not that i didn't know that before, but i needed to re-remember it. i needed to re-remember what it's like to take pride in others for being themselves.
there are lots of colorful, inarticulate fragments floating around in my head that, in there, seem to say this so much better or more floridly, but it's not coming out. i don't know.
baby, i'm amazed.
i know some of the people in the film and i know that they don't have an intentionally cruel bones in their body, but my heart was still scared for all of the musicians at the prospect of these ideas or melodies - their contributions - wouldn't be heard or welcomed by the partner. of course there were a few bumps along the way. of course it all turns out well in the end. but i can't even fathom baring yourself like that in front of other people to be potentially judged harshly.
then, about 20 minutes into it, i realized that these people do that everyday: make themselves, via their art, available for judgment. it's not that i didn't know that before, but i needed to re-remember it. i needed to re-remember what it's like to take pride in others for being themselves.
there are lots of colorful, inarticulate fragments floating around in my head that, in there, seem to say this so much better or more floridly, but it's not coming out. i don't know.
baby, i'm amazed.
Friday, February 24, 2012
epiph-ionic spree
the teeny tiny readership of this blog all know that i've been working my balls off for the past 9+ months so i could quit mortgage forever and go to la for school. i've been going to school full-time and working 50+ hour weeks at work all while living on 1 paycheck a month and putting the other paycheck away in the bank. it was going to work out beautifully: i put in notice at my job on 3/1, last day is 3/15 (the same day the quarter ends), i leave for la on 3/21, registration is on 3/23 and classes start - synchronously - on my birthday. talk about a way to kick off a year, right? 32 was going to be the best, most kick-ass year ever for me. for once, it was a birthday i was REALLY looking forward to.
turns out, that's not meant to be. due to a lot of boring details i'm ending up short on money to go. i have enough saved for living expenses but not tuition on top of it (funny how those 2 amounts are so similar), so i COULD still go, but i would have to live on the street. while i would probably be queen whitey (or ice cream queen, whatever) in the homeless village downtown on 6th, i don't know that i'd be in the right frame of mind to get the learning done that i need to get done. i did a lot of running around this past weekend to make sure there weren't any other viable options.
that said, i was, understandably, frustrated, disappointed and very, very sad when i got back. i was so numb to it that it took a good day and a half to sink in. i talked with a few people about it and started getting really sad and then very pissed off about it. so pissed off that i've been mentally blowing the wad of cash i saved up for this trek. it started last night when i said to myself, "fuck it! if i can't do the big thing i want to do, i'm gonna buy myself that $20 bottle of shampoo because i like how it smells and it makes my hair awesome." and i did. that mentality stayed put through the train and bus ride to work this morning and it looked kind of like this:
what i CAN'T do:
- put a down payment on a sexy tesla electric car
- go to la for school during the spring and summer quarters
what i CAN do:
- shell out for a fairly fancy trip to this year's sxsw and even get a BADGE if i wanted. and still have enough left over for an ipad.
- buy outright a new-to-me car
- buy 1000 shots of whiskey at my corner bar. and still have enough left over for an ipad. that i wouldn't be able to use because i'd be dead due to alcohol poisoning.
- buy outright a house in memphis
- buy outright two homes in memphis (i didn't say they were nice houses)
- give myself a "what not to wear"-esque shopping spree
- find some boy hookers and lots of blow
- stalk david wenham
then my CAN list started to get less fanciful. when that happened, i had to re-ask myself why it was i thought i had to wait a whole year to go back to la to try this again because I FORGOT. i couldn't come up with a good answer, so i'm thinking it was just self-punishment for not being ready when i thought i should be ready. then i thought to myself, "self, if you take the next 2 quarters off of school, you could TOTALLY go to la in the fall and you might even be better off." i could get myself an ipad. i could get a fancy phone when my contract is up in july. i could slowly build my wardrobe up to where i want it to be. i could start taking care of myself. i could do all these things i'd been denying myself for a long time. a very long time.
if i wait until fall, i will probably have more of my tuition covered by student loans too because i was AWESOME and completed my fafsa on the first day it was available this year.
so, this weekend i'm going to set a goal of what i want and where i want to be financially by the time i leave for la. and then i'm going to work backwards from then to now to figure out what i need to save up per month. i don't think it's going to be a whole paycheck which will leave me money to do things for myself like, starting to go to hot yoga again (to shoot for 5 days a week), buying a few pieces of clothing every month rather than a spree, getting myself an ipad, read for fun instead of school, get myself pedicures, go to shows again, etc.
when i came to this realization, it was like a weight lifted. i was a totally different person at work (i don't expect that to last too long). i felt light and awesome all day.
and to celebrate, i took my first steps today: notifying la school that i was going to attend in the fall, modifying the financial aid a little bit, and moving $500 from the school fund to the "let's spend some money!" account and promptly bought myself 5 rollers of my good smellin' smell stuff from nordstroms since it's discontinued and they're the only ones that still have any left. it felt good not to freak out about spending $130 on knowing that i'll smell how i want to smell for the next 12 years.
turns out, that's not meant to be. due to a lot of boring details i'm ending up short on money to go. i have enough saved for living expenses but not tuition on top of it (funny how those 2 amounts are so similar), so i COULD still go, but i would have to live on the street. while i would probably be queen whitey (or ice cream queen, whatever) in the homeless village downtown on 6th, i don't know that i'd be in the right frame of mind to get the learning done that i need to get done. i did a lot of running around this past weekend to make sure there weren't any other viable options.
that said, i was, understandably, frustrated, disappointed and very, very sad when i got back. i was so numb to it that it took a good day and a half to sink in. i talked with a few people about it and started getting really sad and then very pissed off about it. so pissed off that i've been mentally blowing the wad of cash i saved up for this trek. it started last night when i said to myself, "fuck it! if i can't do the big thing i want to do, i'm gonna buy myself that $20 bottle of shampoo because i like how it smells and it makes my hair awesome." and i did. that mentality stayed put through the train and bus ride to work this morning and it looked kind of like this:
what i CAN'T do:
- put a down payment on a sexy tesla electric car
- go to la for school during the spring and summer quarters
what i CAN do:
- shell out for a fairly fancy trip to this year's sxsw and even get a BADGE if i wanted. and still have enough left over for an ipad.
- buy outright a new-to-me car
- buy 1000 shots of whiskey at my corner bar. and still have enough left over for an ipad. that i wouldn't be able to use because i'd be dead due to alcohol poisoning.
- buy outright a house in memphis
- buy outright two homes in memphis (i didn't say they were nice houses)
- give myself a "what not to wear"-esque shopping spree
- find some boy hookers and lots of blow
- stalk david wenham
then my CAN list started to get less fanciful. when that happened, i had to re-ask myself why it was i thought i had to wait a whole year to go back to la to try this again because I FORGOT. i couldn't come up with a good answer, so i'm thinking it was just self-punishment for not being ready when i thought i should be ready. then i thought to myself, "self, if you take the next 2 quarters off of school, you could TOTALLY go to la in the fall and you might even be better off." i could get myself an ipad. i could get a fancy phone when my contract is up in july. i could slowly build my wardrobe up to where i want it to be. i could start taking care of myself. i could do all these things i'd been denying myself for a long time. a very long time.
if i wait until fall, i will probably have more of my tuition covered by student loans too because i was AWESOME and completed my fafsa on the first day it was available this year.
so, this weekend i'm going to set a goal of what i want and where i want to be financially by the time i leave for la. and then i'm going to work backwards from then to now to figure out what i need to save up per month. i don't think it's going to be a whole paycheck which will leave me money to do things for myself like, starting to go to hot yoga again (to shoot for 5 days a week), buying a few pieces of clothing every month rather than a spree, getting myself an ipad, read for fun instead of school, get myself pedicures, go to shows again, etc.
when i came to this realization, it was like a weight lifted. i was a totally different person at work (i don't expect that to last too long). i felt light and awesome all day.
and to celebrate, i took my first steps today: notifying la school that i was going to attend in the fall, modifying the financial aid a little bit, and moving $500 from the school fund to the "let's spend some money!" account and promptly bought myself 5 rollers of my good smellin' smell stuff from nordstroms since it's discontinued and they're the only ones that still have any left. it felt good not to freak out about spending $130 on knowing that i'll smell how i want to smell for the next 12 years.
Friday, February 10, 2012
cheese and rice, i'm hanging on by the tiniest fraying thread right now. scratch that. i don't even feel like i'm hanging on by that thread. i work at a thankless job that sucks all my energy from me, affecting the things that i want to do. i'm behind in my classes and feel like i'm never going to catch up. i feel like i would burst into tears immediately if someone were to touch me right now but the thing i want the most right now is a big huge tight actual physical hug. it's so hard to do this alone. it's so hard to do this alone. it's so hard to do this alone. it's so hard to do this alone. it's so hard to do this alone.
any of the things i need right now seem impossible: i need to not have to go into work at all next week. i need my paper to come together. i need a hug. i need a viable, actual living situation for la. i need a massage. i need to take care of myself. i need extra hours in the day where i'm not sleeping or at work or on the bus. i need to collapse. i need someone to pick me up when i do.
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
i feel compelled to add this post-script: while the above is very valid and true for me a vast majority of the time, it's really coming to the forefront now because i'm due to start bleeding out my kooze in the next day or so. hopefully this will pass with the crimson tide. if not, i might check myself into a purple house.
any of the things i need right now seem impossible: i need to not have to go into work at all next week. i need my paper to come together. i need a hug. i need a viable, actual living situation for la. i need a massage. i need to take care of myself. i need extra hours in the day where i'm not sleeping or at work or on the bus. i need to collapse. i need someone to pick me up when i do.
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
i feel compelled to add this post-script: while the above is very valid and true for me a vast majority of the time, it's really coming to the forefront now because i'm due to start bleeding out my kooze in the next day or so. hopefully this will pass with the crimson tide. if not, i might check myself into a purple house.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
how to?
i've finally found that i'm not the only one who has run into this problem, so i've decided to pose this conundrum to you, my meager (understatement) readership:
say you're bold and you tell someone that you like them "like that" (yes, i'm still in seventh grade) and they don't return the feeling. say you have come across this before and you have become (possibly too) adept at acknowledging and redirecting these feelings so that you don't have them anymore, but you still appreciate the person and are interested in continuing to build the friendship (because, to be honest, you wouldn't have liked them "like that" if there wasn't something there to like to begin with).
how does one let the other know that said feeling is quelled so that whatever potentially awkward feeling harbored by the previously affected party is diminished so you can get back to being "normal" (whatever your definition of that might be) and continue to be friends? can that be done? has that initial act turned incurably from bold to impetuous?
upon reflection, i've found that i've been in this situation more than once (heh) and, previous to now, have always let the friendship go, losing out on some potential radness in the buddy department, i'm sure of it and i would rather that it didn't happen again. yes, one solution could be to cure my own rashness, but that's just not me - my magic would quickly dwindle if i did that, so i'm reaching out for another option. i'm shameless and not easily embarrassed, so if it requires prostration, i'd be ok with that.
i'd be sad, but would deal with it, if there were no solution.
say you're bold and you tell someone that you like them "like that" (yes, i'm still in seventh grade) and they don't return the feeling. say you have come across this before and you have become (possibly too) adept at acknowledging and redirecting these feelings so that you don't have them anymore, but you still appreciate the person and are interested in continuing to build the friendship (because, to be honest, you wouldn't have liked them "like that" if there wasn't something there to like to begin with).
how does one let the other know that said feeling is quelled so that whatever potentially awkward feeling harbored by the previously affected party is diminished so you can get back to being "normal" (whatever your definition of that might be) and continue to be friends? can that be done? has that initial act turned incurably from bold to impetuous?
upon reflection, i've found that i've been in this situation more than once (heh) and, previous to now, have always let the friendship go, losing out on some potential radness in the buddy department, i'm sure of it and i would rather that it didn't happen again. yes, one solution could be to cure my own rashness, but that's just not me - my magic would quickly dwindle if i did that, so i'm reaching out for another option. i'm shameless and not easily embarrassed, so if it requires prostration, i'd be ok with that.
i'd be sad, but would deal with it, if there were no solution.
Saturday, December 10, 2011
bootstrapping
or: the notes i took while reading "moneyball" as influenced by an absurd love of baseball, a bottle of wine, 2 boxes of crackers, edamame hummus and a smores ice cream sammich...
- how many times do the top 200 songs mention the word: love, money, girl/woman, blue, heart. you vs. i - average
- how many of these songs are in: C, G, E, etc. - average
- how many are sung by women vs. men
- how many are written by women vs. men
- how many are performed by men vs. women
- age of performers
- song length - radio edits?
- how many are one writer vs. a collaboration
- average song length
- how many songs are performed by those who didn't write it => warts
- what's the difference in the $$ made between songs performed by the songwriter vs. the song performed by another artist who didn't write the song
- what single is the hit for the artist? 1st, 2nd, 3rd?
- on what album is the hit? 1st, 2nd, 3rd?
- if there are multiple hits, how long and what happened in their lives between "hits"? marriage, kids, deaths, religion, losing religion?
- "harvard" is an idea/concept that people NOT from boston or the north east have regarding intelligence and/or success of which harvard reaps the financial and marketing benefits - how many students who attend harvard are actually from boston or the north east?
- trader joe's edamame hummus = explosively fantastic
- make a word cloud for lyrics in top songs
- **shrinks are on the field** people who are inherent counselors in the intrinsic parts of the process
- potential!! potential is what to see
- personality is necessary for performance
- moyers is my baseball boyfriend - he distorted the perception of the hitters => artists need to distort the perception of the listeners
- keep doing as you did before success - why should you change what works?
- when they KNOW they always hit the spot, when they HOPE they never do
- should i learn to play an instrument so i can use that and my physical stature to intimidate?
- buy "moneyball" for future reference
criteria for research:
- artist has been in the industry for a certain amount of time - 5 years?
- "in industry" begins with first recorded song = intent
- performer (whether songwriter as well or not) - plays instrument as well?
- is the songwriter also the performer?
snippets i tagged in the book:
- "since we're outsiders, since the players are going to put up walls to keep us out here, let us use our position as outsiders to what advantage we can."
- hypothesis about literature: if you write well enough about a single subject, even a subject as seemingly trivial as baseball statistics, you needn't write about anything else
- life with no money is filled with embarrassing little trade-offs
- the oakland a's are baseball's answer to the island of misfit toys
- he was one of those people whose personality was inextricable from his performance. no: whose personality was NECESSARY for his performance. the funny thing is that pro baseball took one look at that personality and decided it needed to be beaten out of him
- shopping spree rules:
1. no matter how successful you are, change is always good. there can never be a status quo. when you have no money you can't afford long-term solutions, only short-term ones. you have to always be upgrading [innovating]. otherwise you're fucked.
2. the day you say you have to do something, you're screwed. because you are going to make a bad deal. you can always recover from the player you didn't sign. you may never recover from the player you signed at the wrong price.
3. know exactly what every player in baseball [in our chosen field] is worth to you. you can put a dollar figure on it.
4. know exactly who you want and go after him. [never mind who they say they want to trade.]
5. every deal you do will be publicly scrutinized by subjective opinion... to do this well, you have to ignore the newspapers.
- how many times do the top 200 songs mention the word: love, money, girl/woman, blue, heart. you vs. i - average
- how many of these songs are in: C, G, E, etc. - average
- how many are sung by women vs. men
- how many are written by women vs. men
- how many are performed by men vs. women
- age of performers
- song length - radio edits?
- how many are one writer vs. a collaboration
- average song length
- how many songs are performed by those who didn't write it => warts
- what's the difference in the $$ made between songs performed by the songwriter vs. the song performed by another artist who didn't write the song
- what single is the hit for the artist? 1st, 2nd, 3rd?
- on what album is the hit? 1st, 2nd, 3rd?
- if there are multiple hits, how long and what happened in their lives between "hits"? marriage, kids, deaths, religion, losing religion?
- "harvard" is an idea/concept that people NOT from boston or the north east have regarding intelligence and/or success of which harvard reaps the financial and marketing benefits - how many students who attend harvard are actually from boston or the north east?
- trader joe's edamame hummus = explosively fantastic
- make a word cloud for lyrics in top songs
- **shrinks are on the field** people who are inherent counselors in the intrinsic parts of the process
- potential!! potential is what to see
- personality is necessary for performance
- moyers is my baseball boyfriend - he distorted the perception of the hitters => artists need to distort the perception of the listeners
- keep doing as you did before success - why should you change what works?
- when they KNOW they always hit the spot, when they HOPE they never do
- should i learn to play an instrument so i can use that and my physical stature to intimidate?
- buy "moneyball" for future reference
criteria for research:
- artist has been in the industry for a certain amount of time - 5 years?
- "in industry" begins with first recorded song = intent
- performer (whether songwriter as well or not) - plays instrument as well?
- is the songwriter also the performer?
snippets i tagged in the book:
- "since we're outsiders, since the players are going to put up walls to keep us out here, let us use our position as outsiders to what advantage we can."
- hypothesis about literature: if you write well enough about a single subject, even a subject as seemingly trivial as baseball statistics, you needn't write about anything else
- life with no money is filled with embarrassing little trade-offs
- the oakland a's are baseball's answer to the island of misfit toys
- he was one of those people whose personality was inextricable from his performance. no: whose personality was NECESSARY for his performance. the funny thing is that pro baseball took one look at that personality and decided it needed to be beaten out of him
- shopping spree rules:
1. no matter how successful you are, change is always good. there can never be a status quo. when you have no money you can't afford long-term solutions, only short-term ones. you have to always be upgrading [innovating]. otherwise you're fucked.
2. the day you say you have to do something, you're screwed. because you are going to make a bad deal. you can always recover from the player you didn't sign. you may never recover from the player you signed at the wrong price.
3. know exactly what every player in baseball [in our chosen field] is worth to you. you can put a dollar figure on it.
4. know exactly who you want and go after him. [never mind who they say they want to trade.]
5. every deal you do will be publicly scrutinized by subjective opinion... to do this well, you have to ignore the newspapers.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
lover
you make me feel so clean.
inside
and
out
your flavor dances troika
as feverishly on my tongue
as in my nose -
so distinct, so...
you.
the ways you nourish me
are countless:
vitamins
nutrients
antioxidants
for my body
and
soul
in the deliciousness
of your skin
your heart.
my muse
i sit here
writing this missive
eating of your fruit,
as i should be dedicating this
inspiration
to other
more funereal endeavors.
but my heart
cannot continue
until my love
is shouted
from the
socialnetworktops.
je t'aime
ma (not so) petite chou
an ode to cabbage
inside
and
out
your flavor dances troika
as feverishly on my tongue
as in my nose -
so distinct, so...
you.
the ways you nourish me
are countless:
vitamins
nutrients
antioxidants
for my body
and
soul
in the deliciousness
of your skin
your heart.
my muse
i sit here
writing this missive
eating of your fruit,
as i should be dedicating this
inspiration
to other
more funereal endeavors.
but my heart
cannot continue
until my love
is shouted
from the
socialnetworktops.
je t'aime
ma (not so) petite chou
an ode to cabbage
Saturday, September 24, 2011
waxing portlandy
tonight i went out to drink for a few reasons:
1. it's my last weekend as a free woman for the next 12 weeks
2. i was hoping to get an eyeful (maybe a lipful) of cute-as-pie bartender andy meat
3. today i was yearning for some "standardness" and, for some reason, drinking on a friday night = "standard"
4. the non-"standard" part of me felt like observing
and this is the conclusion that the non-"standard" part of me (98% of me, it feels like) came to:
portland, for all the people who told me i'd love it here, is just like everywhere else. except with beards. and a lot of rain. and a lot of preciousness. and lots of "birds on things". for real.
granted, they do have an INCREDIBLE book store (now chain in the most "portlandy" of ways) and lots of fun things, but those things are fun for people who don't have a day job as everything here rolls up at about 7pm.
what, i'm assuming, all these people didn't realize is, what draws me to a new city is the people there, not everything else that's going on. and, unfortunately, the people here are the same as anywhere else. only with beards. even the ladies have beards. i just saw one today.
i'd even go so far as to say that portland might just be the capital of apathy: where the royal "they" go to gauge the apathy of the rest of the country when it comes to certain ideas. they're at the cutting edge of apathy here. the ideas or causes that it's cool to be associated with or help out with without even the slightest knowledge of a deeper meaning for the cause or idea start here or, even if they don't START here, they develop here and, when it comes down to it, the voting constitutencies in most urban areas in this country have pockets (or whole holes) of preciousness that aspire to portlandyness without even realizing it.
so the royal "they" who come here to gauge apathy are SMART AS FUCK.
i realized this as i sat in my dive bar with my $5 jameson and art on the walls and $1 ice cream sammiches and a pinball machine where a table of 4 dudes (2 married, 3 with beards) and 1 girl talked about their european adventures and all 4 dudes were trying to impress the 1 girl with their tales of the most despondent part of europe. trying to impress with their cultural prowess.
i don't really mind portland at all. i know i could be somewhere SO MUCH worse and the weather i could do without but, it's serving it's purpose for me right now and i am confident that it will continue to do so but i refuse to perpetuate the myth that it's some crazy retired youngster's holyland.
retired young people: here in portland it's just like everywhere else. if you REALLY want to be different, form a commune in some out-of-the-way place and let that be hipster heaven, because here, it's just a petri dish for the powers that be.
drunkenly yours,
p
1. it's my last weekend as a free woman for the next 12 weeks
2. i was hoping to get an eyeful (maybe a lipful) of cute-as-pie bartender andy meat
3. today i was yearning for some "standardness" and, for some reason, drinking on a friday night = "standard"
4. the non-"standard" part of me felt like observing
and this is the conclusion that the non-"standard" part of me (98% of me, it feels like) came to:
portland, for all the people who told me i'd love it here, is just like everywhere else. except with beards. and a lot of rain. and a lot of preciousness. and lots of "birds on things". for real.
granted, they do have an INCREDIBLE book store (now chain in the most "portlandy" of ways) and lots of fun things, but those things are fun for people who don't have a day job as everything here rolls up at about 7pm.
what, i'm assuming, all these people didn't realize is, what draws me to a new city is the people there, not everything else that's going on. and, unfortunately, the people here are the same as anywhere else. only with beards. even the ladies have beards. i just saw one today.
i'd even go so far as to say that portland might just be the capital of apathy: where the royal "they" go to gauge the apathy of the rest of the country when it comes to certain ideas. they're at the cutting edge of apathy here. the ideas or causes that it's cool to be associated with or help out with without even the slightest knowledge of a deeper meaning for the cause or idea start here or, even if they don't START here, they develop here and, when it comes down to it, the voting constitutencies in most urban areas in this country have pockets (or whole holes) of preciousness that aspire to portlandyness without even realizing it.
so the royal "they" who come here to gauge apathy are SMART AS FUCK.
i realized this as i sat in my dive bar with my $5 jameson and art on the walls and $1 ice cream sammiches and a pinball machine where a table of 4 dudes (2 married, 3 with beards) and 1 girl talked about their european adventures and all 4 dudes were trying to impress the 1 girl with their tales of the most despondent part of europe. trying to impress with their cultural prowess.
i don't really mind portland at all. i know i could be somewhere SO MUCH worse and the weather i could do without but, it's serving it's purpose for me right now and i am confident that it will continue to do so but i refuse to perpetuate the myth that it's some crazy retired youngster's holyland.
retired young people: here in portland it's just like everywhere else. if you REALLY want to be different, form a commune in some out-of-the-way place and let that be hipster heaven, because here, it's just a petri dish for the powers that be.
drunkenly yours,
p
Friday, September 16, 2011
thoughts
i was blessed with strategically placed walls this evening.
how dumb am i? really?
i hate that something makes me not as excited as i once was.
if i turn it off, will i be able to turn it back on? that's what i'm scared of: it is very easy to turn it off, but much harder to turn it on.
i want to turn it off very badly. keeping it on "just in case" and knowing the reality, that hurts.
if i could turn it off and not care about turning it back on, i could be a stripper and make lots of money so i wouldn't have to work in mortgage anymore. that woudld be rad... right?
how is it that 3 double shots of jameson for $20 temporarily cures my own dumbness? me being dumb to me?
how many more times am i going to be dumb in this vein? it is stupid. and it costs $20 for a temporary cure. that, in itself, is dumb.
how is it that i have overcome my dumbness to KNOW that precisely 3 double jamesons are the temporary cure for my overall dumbness?
i dazzled myself with my brilliance on that one.
i would very much like to stop being dumb.
i would very much like to stop being someone's, anyone's, secret. or their trash.
i want to hold someone's hand - besides my own - in public.
L.A.M.E.
how dumb am i? really?
i hate that something makes me not as excited as i once was.
if i turn it off, will i be able to turn it back on? that's what i'm scared of: it is very easy to turn it off, but much harder to turn it on.
i want to turn it off very badly. keeping it on "just in case" and knowing the reality, that hurts.
if i could turn it off and not care about turning it back on, i could be a stripper and make lots of money so i wouldn't have to work in mortgage anymore. that woudld be rad... right?
how is it that 3 double shots of jameson for $20 temporarily cures my own dumbness? me being dumb to me?
how many more times am i going to be dumb in this vein? it is stupid. and it costs $20 for a temporary cure. that, in itself, is dumb.
how is it that i have overcome my dumbness to KNOW that precisely 3 double jamesons are the temporary cure for my overall dumbness?
i dazzled myself with my brilliance on that one.
i would very much like to stop being dumb.
i would very much like to stop being someone's, anyone's, secret. or their trash.
i want to hold someone's hand - besides my own - in public.
L.A.M.E.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
where i totally talk about poo
i have seriously been holding this (but not that) in for the past month, but i'm still so amazed by it that i have to say something!
last month i read this STUPID (read: awesomely informative) book and i stopped eating meat. i'm not stringent about it (if i'm eating vegetable soup and i find out there's a chicken broth base, i don't purge for 3 days and cry about the "thing with a face" that i ate the juice of) and i refuse to call myself one of those "v" words because if i do, i won't want to do it anymore. i'm not eating eggs either and i'm minimizing the dairy, but haven't (and probably won't) eliminated it.
yes, i feel awesome. yes, i'm experimenting with food. yes, i'm going to get skinnypants, but not that skinny because that's just not how my body is set-up. no, i still can't get to sleep in my own bed at night. yes, i'm eating a shit-ton of beets.
but the most amazing thing to me is the sheer volume of poo that is coming out of me on a daily basis! i thought that it would let up after about a week or so - i'm not eating more food or anything, just different food. and i'm freakin' pooing ALL. THE. TIME. and not a little, but LOTS. i'm sure my body is detoxing a little and whatnot, but this is getting hilariously ridiculous. as someone who has juice fasted a few times before and had to help that elimination along and see what that looks like, i'm flabbergasted by all of this.
will i ever stop pooing in this volume?! crazy!
ps - POO!
last month i read this STUPID (read: awesomely informative) book and i stopped eating meat. i'm not stringent about it (if i'm eating vegetable soup and i find out there's a chicken broth base, i don't purge for 3 days and cry about the "thing with a face" that i ate the juice of) and i refuse to call myself one of those "v" words because if i do, i won't want to do it anymore. i'm not eating eggs either and i'm minimizing the dairy, but haven't (and probably won't) eliminated it.
yes, i feel awesome. yes, i'm experimenting with food. yes, i'm going to get skinnypants, but not that skinny because that's just not how my body is set-up. no, i still can't get to sleep in my own bed at night. yes, i'm eating a shit-ton of beets.
but the most amazing thing to me is the sheer volume of poo that is coming out of me on a daily basis! i thought that it would let up after about a week or so - i'm not eating more food or anything, just different food. and i'm freakin' pooing ALL. THE. TIME. and not a little, but LOTS. i'm sure my body is detoxing a little and whatnot, but this is getting hilariously ridiculous. as someone who has juice fasted a few times before and had to help that elimination along and see what that looks like, i'm flabbergasted by all of this.
will i ever stop pooing in this volume?! crazy!
ps - POO!
Sunday, August 21, 2011
flashback: los angeles
word of mouth parade - gus
almost everything about the day i first heard this album was exceptional. i've been thinking about that day, the minutae of that day, all week since the itunes just couldn't stop playing tracks off the album.
this album is 100% la to me and always will be. even the manner in which i procured it was "la":
eleven years ago, i walked into this scene from a movie: the sketchy apartment - dark. mid-afternoon sunlight fighting it's way through miniblinds giving the room that burnt orange look. a shaggy dude wearing sunglasses and an accent - the producer - was sitting on a shaggy couch with a twitchy friend who came in from the kitchen. tim, being the overexcited puppy he was, started talking a mile a mintue as soon as the door opened. i saw the eyes behind the shades rolling.
tim never knew how to gauge a room - i hope he's learned by now.
i wasn't introduced so i don't remember the guy's name. while tim is babbling away, shaggy, dubious producer sees me inspecting this cd on the coffee table with just the word "gus" written in sharpie on it and nods to me to take it. then he does what he can to get this poncey little shit out of his apartment, tout suite baby.
i immediately popped that cd into the player in the truck and this album is what came out.
i still haven't stopped listening to it.
unfortunately, tim got the original score in the breakup proceedings. wah wah.
almost everything about the day i first heard this album was exceptional. i've been thinking about that day, the minutae of that day, all week since the itunes just couldn't stop playing tracks off the album.
this album is 100% la to me and always will be. even the manner in which i procured it was "la":
eleven years ago, i walked into this scene from a movie: the sketchy apartment - dark. mid-afternoon sunlight fighting it's way through miniblinds giving the room that burnt orange look. a shaggy dude wearing sunglasses and an accent - the producer - was sitting on a shaggy couch with a twitchy friend who came in from the kitchen. tim, being the overexcited puppy he was, started talking a mile a mintue as soon as the door opened. i saw the eyes behind the shades rolling.
tim never knew how to gauge a room - i hope he's learned by now.
i wasn't introduced so i don't remember the guy's name. while tim is babbling away, shaggy, dubious producer sees me inspecting this cd on the coffee table with just the word "gus" written in sharpie on it and nods to me to take it. then he does what he can to get this poncey little shit out of his apartment, tout suite baby.
i immediately popped that cd into the player in the truck and this album is what came out.
i still haven't stopped listening to it.
unfortunately, tim got the original score in the breakup proceedings. wah wah.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
a few observations:
1. the IT guy here is magical. he just sent me 200GB of music that's stored on the server. there's so much... everything! on there... stuff i wouldn't get myself but would gladly be given (INXS? Ah-Ha? LAMB OF GOD??! yes please!) i like it when geeky dudes like me.
2. what is so fuckin' special about couches? why can i ALWAYS get to sleep on a couch? i don't understand it. so, for the next three sunday and monday nights, i will be sleeping on the couch.
3. there is seriously nothing like small asian hands massaging your hands and feet. my feet have been missing pedicures for the past few months and now they're all pretty! why do i feel so girly when i've gotten a pedicure. the pedicure, manicure, eyebrow wax combo for $50 (including tip) is MORE than worth it in so many ways.
4. i've been having headaches for the past week and everything tastes like pennies. that's not right, right? it's totally a TOOMAH, right?
2. what is so fuckin' special about couches? why can i ALWAYS get to sleep on a couch? i don't understand it. so, for the next three sunday and monday nights, i will be sleeping on the couch.
3. there is seriously nothing like small asian hands massaging your hands and feet. my feet have been missing pedicures for the past few months and now they're all pretty! why do i feel so girly when i've gotten a pedicure. the pedicure, manicure, eyebrow wax combo for $50 (including tip) is MORE than worth it in so many ways.
4. i've been having headaches for the past week and everything tastes like pennies. that's not right, right? it's totally a TOOMAH, right?
Friday, July 15, 2011
dear mamas and daddies:
i know there are a lot of you out there. this is just a reminder that your grown-up problems aren't shit compared to the responsibility that you have to your babies. please bring the rememberance to the front of your mind that the babies don't have the vocabulary to tell you when something is really wrong or bad - they don't know that the word "innocence" or "spirit" is what describes their special magic or how to tell you that someone or something is trying to take it away, so they act out. they scream that different scream for you (the scream you hope to never hear) to protect their magic because that is YOUR ONLY JOB and they make themselves physically sick so they can leave the place they know is bad, so please please listen to them.
so if your babies are being assholes when they usually aren't, THERE IS TOTALLY A REASON.
i know it's random and i know you all know this already, but i needed to get that out.
so if your babies are being assholes when they usually aren't, THERE IS TOTALLY A REASON.
i know it's random and i know you all know this already, but i needed to get that out.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
well, DUH!
today i had a meeting with my advisor for my big girl school. he basically said, "you can have you bachelors by december 2012 EASY. you're awesome and on top of it." to which i answered "DUH! i don't have the time to NOT be on top of it."
he really liked that response.
AND i found out that i'm essentially going to be writing the same paper for the next 2-4 years starting this fall: 1st quarter - outline; 2nd quarter - 25 page "primer"; 3rd and 4th quarters - 50 page senior paper/graduate school application; quarters 6 + - 75-100 page master's thesis.
i think i'm gonna have to bone a writer to get that much writing mojo in me.
finally, the only bummer about the morning was financial aid. i qualify for $4146/term. my tuition ALONE is $4908/term and that's only if i do the bare minimum of 12 units (which is SO not going to happen) and that's not inclusive of books or supplies or LIVING or anything, so i have to pray to the credit gods that someone will give me a private loan for the rest of the bits. i don't want ALL of my living expenses paid for, i fully intend to be employed... part-time... but part-time ain't gonna pay for me to live and buy textbooks and pay the deficit in my tuition. financial aid blows. anyone have a part-time job where i can NET at least $1500/mo? because that's what i need to live.
those credit gods are aholes. they don't even take a bj for collateral anymore these days! GAH!
he really liked that response.
AND i found out that i'm essentially going to be writing the same paper for the next 2-4 years starting this fall: 1st quarter - outline; 2nd quarter - 25 page "primer"; 3rd and 4th quarters - 50 page senior paper/graduate school application; quarters 6 + - 75-100 page master's thesis.
i think i'm gonna have to bone a writer to get that much writing mojo in me.
finally, the only bummer about the morning was financial aid. i qualify for $4146/term. my tuition ALONE is $4908/term and that's only if i do the bare minimum of 12 units (which is SO not going to happen) and that's not inclusive of books or supplies or LIVING or anything, so i have to pray to the credit gods that someone will give me a private loan for the rest of the bits. i don't want ALL of my living expenses paid for, i fully intend to be employed... part-time... but part-time ain't gonna pay for me to live and buy textbooks and pay the deficit in my tuition. financial aid blows. anyone have a part-time job where i can NET at least $1500/mo? because that's what i need to live.
those credit gods are aholes. they don't even take a bj for collateral anymore these days! GAH!
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
eff you portland!
E.P.I.C. weather fail brah. you couldn't even be summery for 10 days before you had to go all cold and rainy again.
are you for serious?! i'm ready to roshambo your ass.
gosh, i hate your face sometimes.
are you for serious?! i'm ready to roshambo your ass.
gosh, i hate your face sometimes.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
bsg, i bid you adieu
you were... good enough. EJO is officially the #2 badassedest dad on tv, with jack from alias (victor garber) being #1. you did good, it's going to be VERY difficult to match and exceed the daddy badassery of jack.
admittedly, i got a litle bored after sam became a head case and went all baldy so he could become a hybrid. i totally saw that coming, by the way. and that was around the time that they just kind of stopped writing for chief too, so, yeah, i got a little disinterested. and that's also the time when they started giving EJO's kidlet a little more plot line and he kind of looks like a blank slate to me - bodie. what kind of name is BODIE? but good on him for knowing someone who can pull strings.
i do like that "all along the watchtower" was actually written 155,000 years ago as coordinates, but it makes me wonder, bob dylan: cylon? lord of kobol? why'd he get to write it this much later? THAT would have been an awesome transition to present day.
i also like that they weren't afraid to show old people making out and having sex. AND old cancer-y people having sex. that stuff's not pretty and tv pretty much avoids that because it's not pretty. kudos to you!
finally, i admit i was happily surprised to find out about ellen. if she hadn't been what she was, i would have questioned her whole existence in the series because, before then, she was nothing but a pointless asshole.
so, bsg, i'm done with you and i bid you a fond farewell. so long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, good night!
admittedly, i got a litle bored after sam became a head case and went all baldy so he could become a hybrid. i totally saw that coming, by the way. and that was around the time that they just kind of stopped writing for chief too, so, yeah, i got a little disinterested. and that's also the time when they started giving EJO's kidlet a little more plot line and he kind of looks like a blank slate to me - bodie. what kind of name is BODIE? but good on him for knowing someone who can pull strings.
i do like that "all along the watchtower" was actually written 155,000 years ago as coordinates, but it makes me wonder, bob dylan: cylon? lord of kobol? why'd he get to write it this much later? THAT would have been an awesome transition to present day.
i also like that they weren't afraid to show old people making out and having sex. AND old cancer-y people having sex. that stuff's not pretty and tv pretty much avoids that because it's not pretty. kudos to you!
finally, i admit i was happily surprised to find out about ellen. if she hadn't been what she was, i would have questioned her whole existence in the series because, before then, she was nothing but a pointless asshole.
so, bsg, i'm done with you and i bid you a fond farewell. so long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, good night!
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