thoughts

i was blessed with strategically placed walls this evening.

how dumb am i? really?

i hate that something makes me not as excited as i once was.

if i turn it off, will i be able to turn it back on? that's what i'm scared of: it is very easy to turn it off, but much harder to turn it on.

i want to turn it off very badly. keeping it on "just in case" and knowing the reality, that hurts.

if i could turn it off and not care about turning it back on, i could be a stripper and make lots of money so i wouldn't have to work in mortgage anymore. that woudld be rad... right?

how is it that 3 double shots of jameson for $20 temporarily cures my own dumbness? me being dumb to me?

how many more times am i going to be dumb in this vein? it is stupid. and it costs $20 for a temporary cure. that, in itself, is dumb.

how is it that i have overcome my dumbness to KNOW that precisely 3 double jamesons are the temporary cure for my overall dumbness?
i dazzled myself with my brilliance on that one.

i would very much like to stop being dumb.

i would very much like to stop being someone's, anyone's, secret. or their trash.

i want to hold someone's hand - besides my own - in public.

L.A.M.E.