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cheese and rice, i'm hanging on by the tiniest fraying thread right now.  scratch that.  i don't even feel like i'm hanging on by that thread.  i work at a thankless job that sucks all my energy from me, affecting the things that i want to do.  i'm behind in my classes and feel like i'm never going to catch up.  i feel like i would burst into tears immediately if someone were to touch me right now but the thing i want the most right now is a big huge tight actual physical hug.  it's so hard to do this alone.  it's so hard to do this alone.  it's so hard to do this alone.  it's so hard to do this alone.  it's so hard to do this alone.
any of the things i need right now seem impossible:  i need to not have to go into work at all next week.  i need my paper to come together.  i need a hug.  i need a viable, actual living situation for la.  i need a massage.  i need to take care of myself.  i need extra hours in the day where i'm not sleeping or at work or on the bus.  i need to collapse.  i need someone to pick me up when i do. 

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

i feel compelled to add this post-script:  while the above is very valid and true for me a vast majority of the time, it's really coming to the forefront now because i'm due to start bleeding out my kooze in the next day or so.  hopefully this will pass with the crimson tide.  if not, i might check myself into a purple house.