Thursday, January 12, 2012

how to?

i've finally found that i'm not the only one who has run into this problem, so i've decided to pose this conundrum to you, my meager (understatement) readership:

say you're bold and you tell someone that you like them "like that" (yes, i'm still in seventh grade) and they don't return the feeling.  say you have come across this before and you have become (possibly too) adept at acknowledging and redirecting these feelings so that you don't have them anymore, but you still appreciate the person and are interested in continuing to build the friendship (because, to be honest, you wouldn't have liked them "like that" if there wasn't something there to like to begin with).
how does one let the other know that said feeling is quelled so that whatever potentially awkward feeling harbored by the previously affected party is diminished so you can get back to being "normal" (whatever your definition of that might be) and continue to be friends?  can that be done?  has that initial act turned incurably from bold to impetuous?

upon reflection, i've found that i've been in this situation more than once (heh) and, previous to now, have always let the friendship go, losing out on some potential radness in the buddy department, i'm sure of it and i would rather that it didn't happen again.  yes, one solution could be to cure my own rashness, but that's just not me - my magic would quickly dwindle if i did that, so i'm reaching out for another option.  i'm shameless and not easily embarrassed, so if it requires prostration, i'd be ok with that.

i'd be sad, but would deal with it, if there were no solution.


  1. You know, this may shock you (but probably not - at all), but I've been in this situation. Also more than once. And I've been able to salvage the friendships and I've seen them go away. I think what it takes is an agreement from both parties that you're just going to keep on keeping on. You can't do it alone. They have to have buy in.

    That said, since you're pretty damned rad, there is a reason to continue to invest in a friendship with you. So, you know, you have that going for you. :)

  2. Also, keep being honest. For the love of God, the world needs that.

    Also, Portland is THE WORST city in the nation to try to find love in. But maybe I'm jaded.

  3. thanks gloria! i'm not necessarily trying to look for love in p-town; i don't really want to since i know i'm going to leave. the months and days are ticking down (to heat!).
    but i see that it is a bit of a pattern and i'd like to squash that because i think it's a dumb pattern to have.
    i don't think i have it in me to stop being honest. i am not cut out for the lying thing, i stammer and stutter and have all sorts of tells. the only reason i can be a little bluffy at poker is because i can stay silent :) .

    i think the hardest part for me to get my head around is initiating the conversation in which we would both agree to keep on keeping on. how does that happen? do you just leave it alone for a bit and then go "listen, things don't have to be weird because i don't feel that way about you anymore but i think you're awestown and would be sad to miss out on a friendship with you. what do you need for that to happen?"??


  4. You could play it all casual. "Hey, remember that time I said that thing and the needle skipped off the record and then we didn't talk for two days? Yeah, I'm glad that's behind us. Wanna go watch Midnight in Paris?"