so, i had this dream last night that included a lot of stuff that i don't remember now - the only part that i remember is the following:
i was lying in a hospital bed and 2 nurses were patting my face trying to revive me - as though i had passed out or something - and one of them was holding a newborn baby. as soon as i fully woke up, that thing attached to my boob to start breast-feeding. and it was one of those moments like the movies where everything starts moving in fast-forward motion and all these feelings and thoughts come flooding back to you. i felt like i was getting washed away by a heavy tide.
i knew that i was the biological mother, but that i wasn't going to be the mom, so i started pushing it away and wriggling to get it off me going "NOOOOOOO!!!" the whole time. i even remember saying that i didn't want it to eat from me because i didn't want to bond with it and didn't want it to bond with me because i wasn't going to be the mommy.
and for the first time ever (without having a leg cramp) i actually woke up "abruptly" from a dream. now, the reason this is funny: i go to these dream dictionaries to see what breast-feeding means and then i was just going to negate it and that's what the dream is supposed to mean, right? well, here's what it means:
"To dream that you are breast feeding, symbolizes tenderness, love, nurturance, and motherly love. Good things will be at your grasp. Alternatively, the dream suggests that you need to be careful in who you confide in."
so, were i to use this definition, i would be pushing love away. HA! this is so me. like i needed to be reminded that this is what i do.