you know, you've said no to me so many times now that it makes my whole body think you're only going to continue to say no to me or give me some lame excuse as to why you "have" say no to me *insert rolley eyes here*, that i can't even picture you saying yes anymore. that's HORRIBLE. i have this overwhelming feeling that i'm going to get a no. AGAIN. and i've been feeling it since tuesday. and i can't shake it. and i need to shake it because it breaks my heart.
i need to be able to picture you saying yes because that's the only way it's going to happen. i can force through thoughts of yes, but they get washed over almost immediately with the inevitable no. to the point where i picture myself walking out to the beach and throwing stones on the cliffs, hoping they'll break because i need the catharsis of seeing something break due to my own actions.
christ! when am i going to be done with this?