thinking...

all this activity i'm making myself do (gladly) is mellowing me out a little.

example: i go to class about 30 minutes early because i can be persnickety about my spot. i really like the spot i have and i claim it early because it's mine. tonight, some new ASSHOLE moved my stuff while i was hanging out because they wanted my spot. i go in, my stuff is moved, i lie down and just start fuming about it - silently of course because you CAN'T SAY ANYTHING IN CLASS. that's the one thing that just pisses me off about people - that they don't even THINK before doing stuff. i am the queen of having shitty stuff happen to me because others aren't considerate. i try to think of being inconsiderate and i can't. it's just not in my nature. always to a fault. they tell you the fucking rules before you even walk in motherfuckers!
i start picturing this smelly pirate hooker's head smashed into little bone pieces by my angry fists, her blood from my exertions coloring the floor red and squishing my feet around in her bodily fluids and brains that have seeped into the carpet and i worry that i'm going to have a bad class.
turns out, just after the beginning of class, i totally forgot about her and zoom right on in. i had a GREAT fucking class. i smiled genuinely the whole time. that wouldn't have happened this time last year. i would have had a shitty class and still been angry at the end and then i would have gotten angry at myself for being angry because EVERYONE is an asshole sometimes, maybe today was just her day.

so, this whole "taking care of myself" crap is finally starting to show some results. thanks ovaltine!