wondering

how it is that i came to work in such a boring and mundane job. a job where words so gray and anvil-y as "underwriter", "guaranty", "insurance", "qualification", "bottom line", "closing costs", "MIP fee" and "funding" are every day jargon. where people ask me for "numbers" at the beginning of every month. a job that's so devoid of whimsy in any way. a job where the ONLY way i can explain the utter stupidity of people is to tell myself that they're just being funny - there's no other reason for it. a job where the fluorescent light is draining the soul from me. a job where sales people have to put their information on BRIGHT ORANGE pieces of paper because they KNOW it's the only color we see all day. a job where i have to say, at least 3 times a day at some point "*insert name here* is a golden link in my chain of good" just so i don't shake them to the point of brain damage. a job where i type the same things every day, several times a day - "this file is... and we need the following to continue with the file:"... my brain leaks out my ear a little every time i type something like that. it's draining and makes me feel like a blob.
it's not like this was ever a goal. i didn't go to school for this. i never endeavored to be desk-bound and surrounded by the mortgage equivalent of TPS reports, i've only ever wanted to survive.

i'm so over this boredom and lack of challenge, but i don't know where to go from here. at least my car will be paid off in november and i'll have the freedom to only have to make rent and food for myself. maybe i'll just quit everything and become a bartender somewhere. at least i'll get free drinks. ish.