We all know that the one thing I can't stop talking about is how bad a year last year was for me. Well, most of the stuff surrounding the badness has come to a conclusion and I'm in a position, my usual position, of digging myself out of a hole that the last year put me in. Besides all that, my fiddlefooted nature is trying to get the best of me again and I'm feeling the urge to leave again.
Lately, I've felt like I can't find quiet or silence since I've been back - both in sound and in feeling. I've felt displaced and, most recently, defeated. Majorly defeated. So my first instinct, as always, is to leave again. To a place that is a couple of years from it's cusp of awesome. Research shows that would be Boise (nope nope nope), Louisville (maybe... I'd be close enough to go see my Redlegs play in Cincinnati), Dallas (meh), Oklahoma City (probably not), and the like. But then a friend of mine just asked, "why don't you just stay?" and I don't have a good answer to that.
I don't like not having a good answer.
So I'm going to give it a shot.
I'm going to see if I can find the Austin I left (stupidly), the Austin I could wander through in the middle of the night, the Austin I left because I was happy and scared of that and what it meant. To facilitate my search, I've enlisted popsicle sticks:
Popsicle sticks with activities, most of which are Austin-specific, some aren't. One of which I will do, see, visit, complete each week. I also have 3 jars: the main one, the "did it, don't need to do it again" jar and the "did it and I totally need to do it again" jar in which to put the stick when I'm done. There aren't 100 of them, but there aren't only 10 either so I think it'll be a fair shot. If I can't find a way to be happy, to be still here after I've completed all of them, I'll leave knowing that I gave it a real shot but that it's just not for me anymore.
Finally, I'm going to use this place as a kind of accountability test for this. Whether I like the activity or not, I'll put a little something up here explaining what I did, what jar it will go into and why I did or didn't like it. So, without futher ado...
Today, I kind of did one by default. I have a stick in the jar for the French Legation Museum and I just happened to attend a shindig there today so I consider it a half since I didn't actually go into the museum. It was nice to get out into the awesome weather and see... interesting ...music and enjoy the Circus Chicken Dog (adorable) and watch hip parents and their hip kids enjoy the hip hipness of the event and day. There were hot dogs and a tree for me to sit under, so I was cool but I felt a little lonely. I probably did that to myself though because that's what I do.