question of the day

why doesn't god make people with spencer tracy-like faces anymore?

i could look at someone with a spencer tracy-like face everyday.

YAY!

the "rod stewart" song is on the radio!! thanks walkmen!

i really need a drink.

last observation

for now:

rachel zoe is, quite possibly, the most ridiculous person ever. in every way.

EVER.

some more little observations

1. "wanted" is a pretty fuckin' rad movie. james mcavoy has not disappointed since i fell in love with him as the cad-ish brother in "wimbeldon". yep, i just admitted to seeing that movie.
2. all these new things that can "help" you open your door if you lost your key or something scares the crap out of me. well, it really doesn't since i don't lock my door, but it should scare the crap out of the people that do lock their doors. a hacker can hack the lock to your front door and get in. or you can get a blank key and this "tool" and instantly have a key to a house. and they're advertising this on tv. i think people are high lately.
3. masturbation is over-rated when it's your only outlet. my arms hurt so bad. i haven't wanted to do anything all day except masturbate. i watched a robert mitchum movie this morning and got up out of my chair DRIPPING. seriously. this is killing me.
4. looking forward to houston on thursday. looking forward to houston MORE in a few weeks.
5. "still wearing your fingernails across my shoulders" is probably my favorite line in a song right now.

almost...

i almost called in a "mental health" day today to stay snuggled in bed listening to the rain and basking in the 68 degree weather. you read that right - SIXTY-EIGHT degrees. a full 40 degrees cooler than what the thermometer said 3 weeks ago!!

S.I.X.T.Y. E.I.G.H.T.

WOO!

small observations about today

- "the wedding date" is my favorite movie that i hate. man, dermot mulroney is sex on a stick. the hair on the chest. the voice. the yum.
- "i'd miss you even if i'd never met you" is the girliest line ever. and i love it.
- i shouldn't drink if i haven't eaten all week. even if it is gnarly head cab.
- "serendipity" is the last john cusack movie that i can tolerate. maybe because kate beckinsale is in it. and i still love her from "much ado about nothing". she was so much prettier with an additional 15 lbs. on her.
- sarah parish plays the best supporting role in a "romcom" EVER. she should be in every movie.

robert mitchum is coming next and i have no idea what is going to happen.

oh wait!! one more thing - "the wedding date"? dermot mulroney? that scar above the lip? RAWR!

PS - i'm drunk and about to watch "dirty dancing". look out.

it's official

i am not staying in austin. the decision has just been made. looking at houses here makes me sad and yearn for space. that's my tell-tale sign.

i want to be somewhere with SPACE. space on a vast level. somewhere where i can make a lot of noise and not worry about a neighbor hearing me or complaining.

maybe carlos is right. maybe i'm ready for the desert. or maybe i just want to go to the moon.

is it weird...

that i'm just not hungry anymore? i haven't been hungry since sunday morning. i just want to drink stuff.

i feel like i've been lobotomized.

the dream that i didn't post... until now

i can post this now that i'm off that place and because i know that no one in the dream reads this... thing.

the most overtly sexual dream that probably has nothing to do with sex i've had to date:

i was in my dream home (of course, an adorable craftsman bungalow, no more than 3 bedrooms) with a friend of mine that i haven't met yet. she was like a combination of a lot of girls i know, but no one i know at the same time. we're chilling on the couch chatting - it's my birthday or some kind of celebration for me or something - and she gets me up and says "ok, we're ready".
we go out to the backyard where this pornstar that i've never really found attractive is shirtless and doing something in another part of the yard, kind of flooding it i think, and he comes up to my friend, acknowledges me, takes her over to his project and she starts helping him with it. it feels like they have a little flingy thing. rob is sitting in the corner with something or someone unlikely draped over him preparing to videotape the whole thing. i go to where they're setting up this thing and there's a whole group of people that i feel like i know on a base level, but no one that i know personally. there's a chair-ish thing, kind of like a massage chair meets the "burning man" man on a massage chair scale, in the middle of this puddle and there are 2 people standing at the far end of the yard where the flooding is going. the pornstar and my friend are trying to get them to move, but they are just looking back and not listening. my friend has a ball of red yarn that she's letting into the water and it's turning the water red. she and the pornstar do something, i can't remember what, it feels ritual-y and then she's standing next to me again.
the pornstar starts talking to the rest of the group and instructs all the girls to put on something from this selection of dresses and "fancy fun" clothes he has that have just magically appeared. i see the one i want and i'm instantly in it, not physical getting out of clothes and back into them, and all the other ladies are the same way. i'm in some kind of corset bustier thing with sassy pants on and some girl, i don't know if it's my friend or not, is OBSESSED with my nipples and every few minutes would turn around, scratch my corset top down to get to them and happily start chewing and going to town on them and i liked it, but would just look down at her chuckling.
then the pornstar had an old, dying dog that we were going to ceremonially put to sleep or let die naturally and so they brought it up to this dais that was right next to me, and rob came closer and started filming closer, and they started this little pre-wake, last rights-ish kind of thing for the dog. all i could remember is the pornstar telling rob to get the dog's eyes in the video so they could try and figure out what kind it was because he never knew. and then they started playing old school michael jackson ballads for the dog. everyone starts to disperse and my friend and i are still in the yard but at a further vantage point and i told her that i thought she got the pornstar here to ravage me. she just smiled, laughed and said "he will if you want him to" and i just shook my head and we headed back into the house.
the inside of the house was different now, with a huge great room with no furniture, but the pretty, shiny wood floor was lined against the walls with guitars and stringed instruments of all kinds and there was a line for everyone to grab whatever one they could play because EVERYONE could play something. as i was walking through the house, i see the backs of tan sister radio standing there holding their guitars and they're facing and watching the huge front yard where there's a stage set up. my friend and i RUN outside to see what's up. as we collapse on the perfect patch of grass we see patrick onstage warming up the truckees and hoffee is in the house grabbing this huge sheet that has "truckees" or "rock" or something simple, one-worded and awesome on it in lights and he's running it out to the stage to put it up. the truckees are about to start but they can't for some reason that i can't remember but patrick was explaining it and the reason has to do with hoffee needing to fuck a random chick in the audience with everyone watching. and it's on a table so everyone could purposefully watch. the woman started out being a little plain with glasses and curly hair and feeling like a girl i knew ABOUT but didn't know personally and turned into my friend mid-fuck. it was like a slow morph. and it was just fuck. it was passionless, rote and mechanical like they were required to do it for a school assignment. no kissing, no savoring, no feeling, no fun, just the old in-out. the last thing i remember was her legs up on his chest, feet crossed at the ankles, and he was trying to pry them apart, but it wasn't happening and he got frustrated. and then i woke up.

whoa. is it weird that i think the "friend" that is leading me through the whole dream is a future me?

what ISN'T in there for interpretation??

edited to add: i finally figured out who the pornstar dude is - alex sanders. he's SO gross and not at all my type. but he's the one who was in my dream.

mini-purge

a thought popped into my head that might just get me on-track again with the eating well and exercising in a more consistent manner:

throw out all the clothes that are too big for you that have been sitting in your closet "just in case" you gained the weight back AND just to make it look like you have more clothes than you do.

so i did. i don't have a lot of clothes. i didn't to begin with and i REALLY don't now.

man...

do i feel shitty right now. i can almost hear the heart-broken virgo wailing and thrashing upon receipt of bad news.

flight and car canceled. plan f slowly in motion.

i.

am.

an asshole.

why

is it that josh ritter is the only thing i want to listen to right now? he feels so warm and snuggly and dusty in a good way... all his songs are about trains and motion and they all sound like trains.

stoopid chipmunk-lookin' awesome singer-songwriter dude.

this has never been truer than it is right now.

"i traded all the innocence i ever had for hesitation"

and it makes me more than a little sad.

dramz at the ian moore show!!

tonight ian moore played at the cactus. once every 6 months or so i get treated to an acoustic ian show here and it's ALWAYS awesome. tonight was no exception, except, HE DID NOT PLAY "CINNAMON". i'm going to have words with him about that one. he made up for it with a scorching version of "a change is gonna come" that has inspired me to make this sunday "sam cooke sunday". DAMN.

anyhoo, onto highlights (of the non-musical variety):

ian rambling through a story while mumbling about a song coming to hiim. kullen asking "is it in g?" (from the hand position) ian: "NO! no, g is my safety chord."

telling a story about pearl jam doing a commercial for target:
kullen: "but, you know, target is not walmart"
ian: "true, but you know what bill hicks said about commercials? 'when you do a commercial, you're sucking satan's cock!'"
mac (ian maclagan) from the audience: "how does it taste??"
kullen: "spicy!"

there were many more, but then, 2 songs before the end of the show, ian maclagan and his friend get chewed a new asshole by this angry dude in the audience who 1. obviously doesn't know who ian maclagan is, 2. has NEVER BEEN TO A SHOW BEFORE (i assume because he seemed angry that there wasn't ABSOLUTE SILENCE in the room while the show was going on) and, 3. who came in angry to begin with.
this dude bitches mac out and the slams back in his chair and just starts shoving the bird in his face while "watching the show". mac gave it right back to him while ian is rambling on on-stage about the next song. when the angry dude stormed out is when ian finally figured out something was going on (ah, blissful ignorance) and then the rows all around mac just started chatting up about it and life went on. the last 2 songs were GREAT because angry dude wasn't stewing in front of me anymore.

ah, ian moore. ALWAYS an experience of epic proportions.

wondering

how it is that i'm still not awake even though i make my body move through chilly water for an hour in the mornings.

how the hell else am i supposed to wake up?!